Stop Beating Yourself UP!
“the only pressure that exists is the pressure you put on yourself”
“Don’t look at others and compare – look at what you have achieved and measure yourself against yourself”
“We put pressure on ourselves to win every game. When you handle pressure the right way, it’s a great thing. When you can’t handle it the right way it becomes a bit of a burden, and sometimes you try to hand it off to others.”
We all do it and we know we shouldn’t. We all have certain things that we regularly beat ourselves up over such as dieting, exercise, and meeting goals. But have you ever realized just how much it slows you down, how unproductive it is?
I bring this up today because I’m so guilty of putting a ton of pressure on myself. I’m sure it comes from being the youngest of 4 and the only girl. I was always trying to keep up and always trying to do what the boys could do.
I believe a lot of people are guilty of pressure. It is just normal and we love to compare ourselves to others.
Think about it…. What have you been beating yourself up about? Not being further along, making a bad decision, saying the wrong thing, not signing up for that Fall marathon? Or do you beat yourself up for not getting married, getting divorced, working too much, not working enough, being overweight, or just not doing things “right”? Perhaps you even beat yourself up for not being perfect. Never mind that perfection is impossible – you are, after all, human. Perhaps your expectation is that you should be able to do everything, all the time and perfectly. It’s exhausting just thinking about it!
On any given day, we do our best based on where we are emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It is easy to insist that you could have done better in a situation, but the truth is with your state of mind in that moment, the stresses of that particular day, and your level of growth and spiritual maturity at that time, you did your best.
This reminds me of my first marathon in Maui. I made dozens of rookie mistakes and therefore, had a miserable experience. But, because of those mistakes I learned a ton of new lessons and was able to go out a year later and run a better marathon. In fact, it took me 3 marathons to really learn and finally go out and run my best.
So, you (and I) can do better. You can do better because you can learn from the things that have not worked in your life, and that learning process empowers you to grow so you can experience your potential.
It is important to acknowledge when we are wrong, when we make a mistake, or it’s time to a make a change. Stop living in the past, rehashing what you did or didn’t do, and start living in the present.
You don’t have to do everything perfectly in order to succeed
So, lighten up on yourself! We were not created to be perfect, just human. Instead of focusing on that one bad race or that piece of chocolate you ate today, focus on the hundreds of races or miles run, or the pieces of chocolate that you’ve managed to walk right past and haven’t eaten.
Instead of beating yourself up, give yourself a pat on the back for how far you’ve come!
Strategies to help STOP beating yourself up
1) Examine your thinking. On what goals do you constantly run into walls and then run a pattern of beating yourself up?
2) Find Solutions for those roadblocks. This is how you break the pattern of beating yourself up. The solution may be to come up with a better process or routine to help you succeed. Spend a little time fail-proofing your plan. Another solution may be to analyze your goals and ensure that they are realistic. If you plan out 100% of your day with no transition or buffer time built in, you’re going to fall short on something every day. It’s inevitable. So make sure that your goals are realistic. Otherwise you’ll keep feeling defeated.
3) Turn Off the Negative Voice. Every time you hear that internal voice putting yourself down, recognize it, and then say “No!” to it. Then go back to step two and find a solution instead.
4) When All Else Fails. Get some rest and start anew tomorrow. Sometimes our body is simply too tired to muster up the energy to be positive and create solutions. Give yourself a break and start over tomorrow.
I do, however, think that some beating up of yourself can be a positive thing. It’s just a matter of keeping it at a manageable level. I wouldn’t still be trying to PR in my race goals if I wasn’t beating myself up that I can do better. I might be a little crazy, but it definitely keeps me going and challenges my workouts because I want to be better.
When I first decided to run a marathon I told myself I was doing just one and done! Well, I’m getting ready to run marathon #6 this Fall. I was not happy with my first marathon results and because I had beat myself up so badly over my results, I did another and now i just keep doing ‘em because I’ve found a way to train smart that allows me to actually enjoy the marathon and stay injury free!
Ok, how about you? Do you beat yourself up? Why? how often?
Please, share your feelings. I really enjoy hearing from you and would like to know I’m not the only one who does so much self beating.
Posted by admin | in Fitness, Mind Set, Uncategorized | 21 Comments
Great post and very relevant to my life. I do expect so much of myself it’s ridiculous. No one puts that kind of pressure on me but me. I will remember your tips and try to stay grounded. Thanks!
@ shutupandrun: Glad to know I’m not the only one who’s like this
I am guilty of doing this with my weight. I am carrying an extra 25 lbs I should not be carrying. I continually like to beat myself up for still having that extra weight. I could focus on the fact that I have already lost 32lbs and turned myself from a couch potato a year ago to a person who just finished a half marathon, but somehow I instead mentally like to beat myself up about those excess pounds that still need to come off me.
it feels non-stop at times. especially lately. your post couldn’t have been more timely.
last night I had to have a moment of “good enough” and I already feel better.
thanks for being right on.
Shana: glad this post helped. I wrote is specifically as I was beating myself up for not doing better in my last race even though I got a PR!…that’s how crazy I am
Chad: You have definitely made some HUGE progress and success, that what you focus on
Woman, get out of my head! Seriously, were you hiding in the bushes this morning listening to me scold myself and make bargains to get the hill repeats in? Were you hiding in my closet last night when I was eating candy and beating myself up for both the candy and skipping my run?!?!? We all do it, we all have that voice… thanks for reminding me to not let Negative Nancy rule over workouts. I CAN do it and HAVE. Totally needed this today. Thanks.
Ha, Ha! I’m more and more relieved to hear from all of you and to know I”m not the only one who deals with “demons in my head”
Great post Jill. Glad not alone. It is human nature to be our own worst critics. Monitoring our self talk is very critical. I know I am as guilty as anyone. It’s important to focus on the here and now and not the what should of could have been. Make the best of where we are now always strive to improve. Thanks for the information.
I think this is a very generous column, what you are saying is we strive for the best- and sometimes I think I don’t. I do whatever I need to do, to get the job done- sometimes it’s not the best way. Your premise, your underlying belief gives humanity credit for simply trying and I think it comes from a large heart, anyway I appreciate the message
THanks Kate
Thank you thank you. I needed this. I’ve been really down on myself because I’m not as speedy as most of the runners I know. I’m busting my butt training for my first marathon. As long as I’m doing my best I should be proud of myself.
I cannot thank you enough for this post! I’m fairly new to running and have been really critical of myself for not being further along and for being slow. Your comments reminded me to stop and give myself credit for how far I’ve come in such a short time! Great post!!
I love this post! I recently stopped comparing myself to others, and instead learning from and being inspired by them.
It’s great to be hard on yourself as motivation, but it’s another thing to berate yourself or make yourself feel bad or guilty. The negativity has to stop and usually it’s something that pervades your whole life not just exercise. It’s important to examine all of your self talk and see when you’re being negative and stop the thought immediately. I’ve been dealing with this issue my whole life. It’s very difficult to break the bad habit.
This post was meant for me! I often have to fight the voices in my head that say – Why are you out here? Your too fat to do this. Most people are at home sleeping. I find that I just ignore it and go on – when I am finished I look back and think WOW I did it.
I continue to run with my club, I continue to be the last to finish the workouts, and I continue to think – at least I am out there and I am consistent.
Thanks for the post – it was great.
Belinda
Great post Jill! I hope my post helps some of your running clients…
Just this afternoon I was thinking about what John Spencer Ellis was saying in our class: ‘do something to further your business everyday’. And I was beating myself up that I wasn’t doing enough. Maybe because I had a dad who went to Harvard and who set the expectations very high; besides always letting us know he was a ‘Harvard’ man… UgHH!
We all set our bars and it’s ok to set them high. We just have to remember that every day is not the same, but as long as we chip away at the elephant we will continue to make progress. Just like building endurance, or one’s fitness level, it’s all cumulative. We all have to start somewhere. Some just start later in life than others and for some people, they just start their lives later!!
I try to go to bed each night with this thought in my head: ‘ I DID today, it’s done. I get tomorrow again to try differently what might not have worked for me today; or to continue on the path that is working and see how far I go with it and where I end up.’ The key is to set realistic goals, write them down and execute them. A good rule is that if you are not completing a goal at at least 70% the bar may be too high and you have set unealistically high expetations. So this might make you feel bad. But remember, they are your goals. You OWN them. So you can change the goal and the metric. Once you build the efficacy for the area your working and you complete the goal(like maybe running 3 days a week)you will feel better and more confident than if you set a goal that’s too lofty, like waking up every morning at 530 am for the morning running class, but not completing it for the 5 days. So more attainable goals would help one not to self sabatoge and be so hard on oneself. Try it and see what happens.The key is to keep challenging ourselves without beating ourselves up, and setting realistic goals with help keep this in check. Keep a journal. Nobody can do everything 100% at all times.
Tomorrow is not a given for any of us. Just put what’s not working in a lock box, don’t feel bad about it, and try again tomorrow. And learn another tool that will help you get where you want to be.
My .02/1.00 worth!!
Deb
http://www.fit4theday.com
Here is another quote that I think you all will relate to:
Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. -Gandhi
Wow! What a great post and so true! Really needed this today! I guess it’s a woman-thing; we have the tendency to listen to the negative voice. And I should just enjoy the run and stop focussing on all the stuff that really doesn’t matter. Will anyone know if I BQ’d this year or next year 10 years from now? No, they won’t.
Thanks!
My runningmantra of the moment: You have a choice. You can throw in the towel, or you can use it to wipe the sweat off of your face.
Thanks for this post Jill. I had to quit a speed workout early yesterday because it was way too hot out on the track and I felt horrible about it. It was the first track workout I’ve quit early. This morning I woke up knowing that it was the best decision to not finish the last few 800s. I’m new to your site and look forward to reading more to come
Thank you for this post! What a great reminder to all of us to be nice to ourselves! There is a balance between pushing yourself and beating yourself up. As the weeks pass by in my training for marathon #2 in October, I’m constantly struggling to find that balance. Thanks for the post. It gave me a great perspective!
months passed since you wrote this article but it is still relevant — I ran my second 5k today, really did much better than my first run but was berating myself for not pushing much harder — thank you for making me feel not so crazy with these thoughts & help quiet this voice inside my head